Wiping Butts

I'm not completely confident that I'm wiping my butt correctly. No one has really taught me. I just sort of figured out a way on my own.

I remember when I was very young and living in Taiwan, I used to stay at my Uncle Bruce's office after school because his office was located directly across the street. One afternoon, I really had to take a dump and so I did. But afterwards, it didn't even occur to me at the time that I needed to wipe my butt before pulling my pants back on because I've never had to perform such a task.  So I pulled up my pants and happily wandered out of the bathroom, ever so proud of my solo accomplishment. 

When I walked into the office area, one of the secretaries there asked me " did you wipe on your own?"
I responded a bit confused but still proud of my achievement "wipe what?"

Then suddenly it hit me. I'm supposed to wipe my butt after poops!

The secretary says " your butt! You didn't wipe your butt?"

I then responded "umm.. I forgot!" and quickly ran back into the restroom.

I pulled down my pants and grabbed a handful of toilet paper then stopped. How do I wipe my butt? There has been no precedent to this and as a young child I certainly hadn't had a chance to witness anyone perform this task first hand on themselves. So I wiped my butt the only way I knew how to wipe any body part. I reached for my butthole and wiped the general area like I was wiping my face one time, pulled my pants back up and ran back out the restroom.

As I reentered the office area, the same secretary asked me playfully, "that was so fast! Did you wipe it clean?"

I thought to myself...OH NO! I have no idea if I wiped it "clean"?! So I let out a quick "be right back!" and ran back into the restroom again

With my second attempt at wiping my butt, I proceeded to repeat my prior process of quickly wiping the general butthole area with the an additional step of confirming the used toilet paper is poop-less. Success. I finally ran out of the restroom for the 3rd time, confident that I've covered all the butt wiping bases.

Upon reentering the office area... there were no applause or congratulatory pats on the back. Everyone just carried on.

I've refined my butt wiping technique since then.... but I'm pretty sure its not all that correct. I'll probably never speak of it.
I'm hoping I can just vaguely explain the butt wiping process to my son one day and have him figure out the details for himself. Ill be ready to high five him... after he washes his hands.